It's not about not feeling

The power in this poem begins in that third line, “Because it feels like I’m drowning in tepid water.” There is so much heart and emotion emanating from this line that I feel like it is the beginning of this poem. I would take out those first two lines since they don’t contribute much and begin with the strong feeling that that third line delivers.

I really like the juxtaposition of cold and warm that follows the third line. I think you could do away with the descending words because they don’t add much to the piece and the numb, cold, warm holds the weight easily on their own. The numbness in your bones (inner) compared to the cold skin (outer) is very clever in suggesting that the deeper we go into ourselves, the less we feel or care about anything particularly associated with mental disease like depression. We may feel the slight sting of everyday life, but that core, the meat of us, is empty. The warmth of pain also demonstrates the outer layer of feeling, giving our emptiness a want. Technically, I would remove the “and” before “I’m numb.”

I would unitalicize “warm” because it feels unnatural at this point. But I do like this line as well. It is the heart of this poem. I’d also remove the “at all.”

I would switch line 6 with 7 and 8. I feel like this order would provide more emphasis to the heart of the poem. I would completely remove line 9 because it feels too angsty and doesn’t give the poem any power. The ending is a bit of a letdown. My suggestion with the ending is to provide an allusion to this self-harm you imply. Ending with a concrete image of this need to feel, perhaps with blood trickling or scars scabbing, could really bring the point home and resonate within the reader.

So recap: if I could write suggestions on your poem, I would have made it read something like this:

Because I feel like I’m drowning in tepid water,
I’m numb in my bones and I’m cold in my skin.
And pain is the only thing that’s ever felt warm.
Because sometimes the best feeling is
Just to feel anything.
So I pinch, and I scrape, and I burn, and I bleed.
(Concrete image)

Really great work with this. You capture the emotions associated with self-harm and depression very well. I hope my critique has helped you in some way even if it’s just one small edit I made. Well done!